About Bertram

Regarding Bertram…

Bertram is the epitome of the antiquated British patriot.

He is seen by his Ministry peers as a tolerable enough chap, with his finger firmly on the pulse of current events.  His ability as an analyst and planner is begrudgingly accepted by his peers as being of a high quality and Bertram’s willingness to help his colleagues out of a scrape is met with an equal measure of begrudged regard.  It is Bertram’s strange personality that causes most of his problems.

Bertram spends most of his time at The Ministry fulfilling his role as an intelligence analyst, looking after the interests of Her Majesty The Queen and finding ever more ingenious ways to ensure that The Duke of Edinburgh’s cronies have secreted themselves away in the wrong underpass. Sadly, history shows us that Bertram does not always get it right.

Most of Bertram’s spare time is spent with Tarquin, his Ministry colleague and only chum.  After a hard days work (assiduously avoiding the game of squash or other such physical activity recommended by their mandarins), they would often head for Tarquin’s club, The Loafers, for an evening’s chat where they would usually sink a couple of bottles of their excellent Saint-Emilion.

On occasion, when the quiet of The Loafers club had lost its appeal, Bertram and Tarquin would slip off to frequent one of the hostelries in Soho, The Coach & Horses being a favourite, to sample their selection of draught beers and single malt whiskies.

Bertram comes from a family of stalwart British patriots.  His mother was a Civil Service Medical Consultant.  His father was a highly regarded mid-ranking figure at The Ministry viewing Bertram, as did his peers, as a mild disappointment.

Bertram has two sisters, Nel and Babs, who he tries his best to avoid.

One thought on “About Bertram”

  1. Bertie you little pleb!

    One is glad to see that you have started to get yourself straightened out.
    You needed a woman to organise you and now you have got one. Well done that man!

    Consider yourself forgiven about Mummy’s mink. The replacement is acceptable enough.
    However one needs to talk with you about the large oily bum print found on the leather couch in my Amsterdam apartment!
    That is another matter!


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