Breakfast at the patisserie…

They found a patisserie on Sint Antoniesbreestraat that Gertrude fell in love with immediately. It was uncluttered, furnished with old pine furniture and well lit by antique brass chandeliers niftily converted to electric. The walls housed large, gold-framed mirrors and were decorated in dark reds and greens, with a fleur-de-lys picked out in gold leaf here and there. Where the aging mahogany countertop, piled high with pastries, abutted the wall, it was lined with antique Delft tiles, adding a further splash of style to the old-world feel. The woodblock floor was well worn and welcoming to the visitor, as was the aroma of good coffee hanging in the air.

They entered, removed their coats and sat down to study a menu and, in Bertram’s case, to have his suspicions confirmed, in that sausages, bacon and egg would be conspicuous by their absence.

A vision of loveliness approached them. It was a dusky young lady in her twenties, wearing a short black skirt and a white blouse. Her make-up and jewellery had been kept to a minimum and her tanned skin was revealed to a tasteful maximum. She was lightly built and well muscled, with big eyes, a round face featuring a small pointy chin, dark brown hair with highlighted golden curls and a smile that could melt a man’s heart. Bertram was mesmerised.  “Hi, guys,” she said with a Dutch accent, “I am Grietja and I am here to greet ya… Oh and also to be taking your order, ief you are ready.”

Bertram was at a loss what to say. He was so struck by this visage that, try as he might, he could talk only fluent bollocks. He strove desperately to say something intelligent and witty but sadly he could only gabble, “Grietja to greet ya. A fine pun in our language, fer… fer… from England, don’t you know. Very good. Very good tits indeed. Shit! Did I say tits? I meant boobies… shit, no! Oh bugger… look… I’ll get my coat…”

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Agent Bertram. Bertram spends most of his time at The Ministry fulfilling his role as an intelligence analyst, looking after the interests of Her Majesty The Queen and finding ever more ingenious ways to ensure that The Duke of Edinburgh stays out of trouble... When the need arises Agent Bertram is seconded to The Netherlands Secret Service to help his chums fight dastardly crime in Amsterdam. This is where he has most of his thrilling adventures.

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