Autumn storm blows in, William Frederick

Autumn storm blows in

Early this morning at the crack of ten, I was in the kitchen manfully holding a mug of nearly hot coffee whilst looking out of the window at the majestic array of autumnal colours that bedeck the mature trees lining the banks of our local river.  In its turn, the river was tumbling joyously down the glen to pass by our isolated home at a distance of some thirty yards before it headed on down to the loch.  The leaves displayed every hue and shade of earthy red, turmeric yellow and brown selected from the brief autumnal colour spectrum.  The rich golden ochre of the silver birch gave way to the golden red foliage of our rowan trees.  The golden brown oaks blended into the golden bronze of the hazel, which in its turn vaulted purposefully into the deep golden brown of the alder before being brought to an abrupt halt as the author had run out of autumnal colours, even golden ones!

An image of autumnal trees by a Scottish loch
Autumnal trees by a secret loch in Scotland

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Three blind mice, with jolly good eyesight!

I hates meeces to pieces!

Further to my recent post regarding a foreign and completely unauthorised mouse found living the high life in our car, Beloved and I thought that the sorry story was now over, especially in view of my bit of advanced mouse whispering.

meeces to pieces
Picture of Mr Jinks

As a precaution, we put the humane traps back in the car on a ‘just in case’ basis, feeling sure that this was more of a belt and braces precaution than a concern, as I’m sure that you will understand.

Imagine our horror when on jumping into said car this afternoon we discovered THREE MICE in one of the humane traps!!!

Mouse whispering was once again employed. But today, it was at full volume!  I opened the trap and placed it into the long grass shouting, “Fu** O** you furry little bas****s!”

I think that it’s time for a new car…

Please donate vast sums of money to William Frederick, Author and thoroughly skint chap… or buy my books!  :O)

[For our American cousins who may not know the word skint, it means broke, having no money and being completely without funds].

The sweet taste of, “I was right!”

“I was right!” or rather Beloved was right and, as her partner and protector, I was right too!

Do you ever wish that you could put someone down like Woody Allen does when he suddenly produces the Canadian philosopher Marshall McLuhan in the film Annie Hall?  You remember… It’s the scene where Woody and Annie are standing in a movie queue waiting to take their seats in the cinema.

Hang on a mo’.  I’ll get the clip for you…

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The Back Seat Driver Mouse

You may have noticed a certain abundance of wildlife stories in my blog.  I retired to Argyll, self built a log home with Beloved and settled down to write.  It was then that the mice found a drainage hole that I had not blocked and made an invasion of said home.

Author’s note: Mouse holes are notoriously difficult to block as the nippy little buggers refuse to keep still.

Image of a mouse in a car
Have mouse, will travel…

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A Breakfast Avalanche

Yesterday started badly and quickly became much worse after a sausage, egg, baked-beans and toast breakfast avalanche.

Being a thoughtful and intelligent chap, I decided to save time and improve my productivity by taking my modest breakfast, a platter of: Cumberland sausages, eggs, black pudding, liver sausage, hash browns, potato waffles, bacon, fried bread, fried tomatoes and butter-fried mushrooms (strictly for health reasons) and toast, into the study so that I could eat at my desk and work on my precious iMac.

A breakfast avalanche.
Breakfast at the iMac.

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RSS FEEDS

I’m in the process of building an RSS Feeds list to provide my trusty followers with some up-to-date, serious and silly, news content from the Spy World. Take a peep at the world of lies, deceit, evasion and diversion, that is situation normal for Agent Bertram. See what’s going on in the world of finance and what the banksters are getting up to.

The RSS Feeds thingy will gather news snippets and push them to my RSS Feeds page for your delight and ridicule.

Agent_Bertram_Espionage_chap
Agent Bertram, high-tech Super Spy.

In the meantime have a good week, knowing that the lunatics are truly running the asylum and our politicians have less power and influence and are more corrupt than ever before.

Who is running the world? Find out here!… when I have grappled the apps and widgets into submission.

Another Autumn Update.

Autumn is without doubt, my favourite time of year.  This morning we were treated to our first hard frost of the season, after a night of clear sky where The Plough cut its furrow in the northern sky and Orion hunted in the southeast.  The Little Bear could be seen plainly and The Milky Way appeared as a streak of white running from Northwest to Southeast at the time of observation, before the cold forced me back in to the warm coziness of our log home.  So, I feel moved to copy for you, an update from the facebook page that I set up some time back, to warn of what Agent Bertram might be getting up to.

The update…

The sands of time that lured upon our house are now in the deep bosom of Loch Awe, buried… in the windmills of your mind, any way the wind blows…

Continue reading Another Autumn Update.

An Autumn Update for my chums

Life here in Argyll is pretty good as autumn wanders in.  It has been a poor summer if you look only at the weather but, if you live with the weather rather than fight against it, it’s been a lovely summer.  As The Big Yin (Billy Connolly) once said, “There’s no such thing as bad weather. Just inappropriate clothing.”  On behalf of struggling writers everywhere, my answer to Big Yin would be, “That’s fine for you to say when you are a millionaire Scotsman who can afford any amount of waxed cottons and Gore-Tex but for the rest of us the weather up here has been rubbish!”

Anyone who lives here would acknowledge that it has been short summer.  It started late after a very cold spring and now the autumn leaves are already well into their golden demise.  Our American cousins use the words The Fall to describe this autumnal change where the leaves turn golden brown and yellow and then drop to the floor covering everything and making life difficult for the infirm.  The Fall is such a well chosen phrase and, as far as I’m concerned, hits the horses nose bang on the nail’s… head’s… money.

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A boy, in leaves.

I remember well, time spent as a lad, kicking through mounds of fallen leaves in the gutter along the appropriately named Bushey Road and Barnsbury Road near to my primary school only to find that some blighter had hidden within, a brick or a heap of dog shit.  Happy days…

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Bertram & Gertrude’s Extra Sensory Spy

A very exciting day! I have finally published Bertram & Gertrude’s Extra Sensory Spy available from Spangaloo, Kindle, Smashwords, and others soon to follow.

It will also be made available in paperback.

extra sensory spy release

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Two Tweets

Just a short post.  I was delighted by two tweets about my Sex Shop butt-plug, dildo, knife fight where Agent Bertram protects his beloved Gertrude with a huge dildo:


 

“That is superb comedy, . The description of sex-toys alone is worth the price of the book! U can quote me on that!”


 

RT “I read about the sex shop and the horrid little Chinese man. Spilled my coffee laughing!”