Latest news from Agent Bertram

Latest news from Agent Bertram

I spent this morning pondering about what a decent chap William Frederick is.

Not only does he make his own marvellous Cumberland sausages, a past time that elevates him to ‘near god like’ status in my opinion but he has also learned how to use the GIMP.  “Sounds a bit pervy,” do I hear you say?  Well it isn’t really.  In this case, it’s nothing to do with strange headwear.  GIMP stands for GNU Image Manipulation Program and it’s the free-world’s version of Photoshop.  So, if you happen to have a photograph of a Gnu, this is the program to use if you wish to manipulate it.

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A day in the life of William Frederick

A day in the life of William Frederick, author and decent chap.

Today started as most days do, much too early.  I swung my warm feet out of bed and into my cold slippers, made sure that my nightshirt was not held above see-level, stuck between my bum cheeks, and headed for the coffee pot.

Beloved was already up and by the look of the way that she threw yesterday’s stale bread at the birds, rather than to them, I surmised that she had got out of bed from the wrong side.  Luckily, I am a very deep sleeper and didn’t notice her clambering over me.

“Good morning, dearest!”  I cried in cheerful vain, as I attempted to focus on the kettle.

“That bloody mouse has dug up one of my potted plants and munched the roots.  You have to do something!”

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Agent Bertram’s tweet Extravaganza

Agent Bertram’s major international advertising campaign

My sausages have gone!  Either I ate them, or the sausage dragon came in the night!  

The Sausage Dragon comes in the night and steals Agent Bertram’s sausages.
Sausage Dragon Artwork by Dee Dahl
New Media Artist and Designer, Social Media, Content Creator @5darkvalley

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Five Star Reviews

Bertram & Gertrude’s Steamy Amsterdam Weekend.  Five Star Reviews by renowned authors John Needham, Janelle kahele and by Jay Scully on

Bertram & Gertrude’s Steamy Amsterdam Weekend. Five Star Reviews by renowned ‘people that you have probably never heard of’ on

Download your copy now.  It’s a belting laugh and you’ll love it!