An Autumn Update for my chums

Life here in Argyll is pretty good as autumn wanders in.  It has been a poor summer if you look only at the weather but, if you live with the weather rather than fight against it, it’s been a lovely summer.  As The Big Yin (Billy Connolly) once said, “There’s no such thing as bad weather. Just inappropriate clothing.”  On behalf of struggling writers everywhere, my answer to Big Yin would be, “That’s fine for you to say when you are a millionaire Scotsman who can afford any amount of waxed cottons and Gore-Tex but for the rest of us the weather up here has been rubbish!”

Anyone who lives here would acknowledge that it has been short summer.  It started late after a very cold spring and now the autumn leaves are already well into their golden demise.  Our American cousins use the words The Fall to describe this autumnal change where the leaves turn golden brown and yellow and then drop to the floor covering everything and making life difficult for the infirm.  The Fall is such a well chosen phrase and, as far as I’m concerned, hits the horses nose bang on the nail’s… head’s… money.

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A boy, in leaves.

I remember well, time spent as a lad, kicking through mounds of fallen leaves in the gutter along the appropriately named Bushey Road and Barnsbury Road near to my primary school only to find that some blighter had hidden within, a brick or a heap of dog shit.  Happy days…

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Bertram & Gertrude’s Extra Sensory Spy

A very exciting day! I have finally published Bertram & Gertrude’s Extra Sensory Spy available from Spangaloo, Kindle, Smashwords, and others soon to follow.

It will also be made available in paperback.

extra sensory spy release

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Two Tweets

Just a short post.  I was delighted by two tweets about my Sex Shop butt-plug, dildo, knife fight where Agent Bertram protects his beloved Gertrude with a huge dildo:


 

“That is superb comedy, . The description of sex-toys alone is worth the price of the book! U can quote me on that!”


 

RT “I read about the sex shop and the horrid little Chinese man. Spilled my coffee laughing!”


Positive Discrimination for Tadpoles

Ministry coat of arms

You may know that our hero Agent Bertram lives in Bloomsbury, London and works for The Sovereign Intelligence Ministry as the poor sap who has to keep Prince Philip out of trouble.  This used to be a full time job but it’s less so nowadays as Phil The Greek, as I call him, is getting a bit long in the tooth for hell-raising and now has to content himself with hiding in the closets around Buckingham Palace waiting to pounce on an unwary maid.   If he catches one it’s usually not a major worry as he can no longer remember what to do when he has caught her.  He usually forgets why he was hiding there and stands in the closet slowly gathering dust.  Agent Bertram often has to make a search for the Prince after The Queen reports him missing.  There are lots of closets in the palace.

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The Saving of Chuffy the Chaffinch

Last evening as the sun went down, behind a thick layer of cloud, Beloved and I marvelled at a Mummy Chaffinch as she darted back and forth feeding her young fledgling, Chuffy the Chaffinch.

Young Chuffy nodded his (or her) head up and down furiously to signify the need for more and more food, inspiring some measure of admiration in this Secret Agent author.  There was no sitting on the fence when Chuffy wanted to get the ‘feed me‘ message across to mummy!  (Actually there was a lot of sitting on the fence as Chuffy was in reality, sitting on our fence)…

young_Chuffy

 

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Secret Agent takes a dive… to hospital.

So there I was… I remember it clearly.  It was Saturday… I was lying in the ambulance trying to work out where I was, en-route from our house and the Hospital, a trip of twenty miles of extra bumpy roads.  I could see the headlights of our car following behind, so I knew that beloved was in hot pursuit. The ambulance crew, although very nice people, in the form of Susan and Neil, were only technicians and could not fill my arm with morphine so I had to make do with gas-and-air which was about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

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Amazon USA, Book Review Examples for B&G’s SAW

Here is a selection of reviews taken from Amazon UK.  It is a “Warts And All” approach so the good reviews are accompanied by the bad.  Happily this has not been a problem as this book has attracted fairly good comment (fingers crossed) :-

Book Review Examples.


5.0 out of 5 Stars.  Amazing!
on February 3, 2014
I absolutely adored this book! It was everything you would look for in a good read. Funny, heartwarming, sexy and just amazing. William’s vision was so absolutely astonishing. I felt as if I was sitting right next to the characters. Great debut for author William Frederick!

Continue reading Amazon USA, Book Review Examples for B&G’s SAW

Amazon UK, Book Review Examples for B&G’s SAW

Here is a selection of reviews taken from Amazon UK.  It is a “Warts And All” approach so the good reviews are accompanied by the bad.  Happily this has not been a problem as this book has attracted fairly good comment (fingers crossed) :-

Book Review Examples. Continue reading Amazon UK, Book Review Examples for B&G’s SAW

William Frederick – Hip but grounded!

William Frederick – Hip but grounded!

If you had been in Amsterdam observing Agent Bertram’s antics, some of you may have noticed him walking with a pronounced limp. This is because I (William Frederick) have had for a long time, a dud left hip. Over a period of four years I gradually came to the conclusion that we renowned authors are not made to bear such pain. Following the finest tradition I tried to pass on the painful limp to someone else but my recipient, Agent Bertram, was having none of it.

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